i'm a phreakin' chinese

Ever since Form 5, most people seem to have a problem with my identity. Maybe I don't exactly protray the typical Chinese male look. So far, the problem stems from the fact that I have a "janggut", which I claim to be a goatee and it IS.

Typical scenarios would be the Chow Kuey Teow lady asking me what I want to eat in Malay or the girl in the saloon who asks me how I want my haircut in Malay.

Heck, I even have a 100% record in Seremban GH about my "Malay" status. Nurses will be asking me whether I'm Malay and patients will be asking why I look Malay.

Offended? ... Nah. In fact, being the banana that I am, I thank God people think I'm Malay so that I don't have to start talking gibberish each time the same crap happens.

But what happened this afternoon just takes the cake.

A friend was clerking a Malay patient today. Nice old lady who was in a pretty talkative mood. Since I had nothing better to do ... as usual, I joined in. She didn't quite say anything to me despite the fact that she kept on looking at me oddly.

Until one fine moment, she finally blurted out "Kamu Cina ke Melayu?"

"Makcik, saya betul budak Cina"
"Tak ada la. Kamu tipu. Semua nampak Melayu je. Janggut pun ada"
"Betul Makcik. Tengok saya punya name-tag kat sini. Nama Cina la"
"Tipu. Saya tak percaya. Cakap pun bunyi Melayu"

It took a whole lot of convincing to get her off my back ... and just when u thought it was all done and over with ...

"Kamu dah nampak macam budak Melayu. Rupa ada. Cakap pun ada bunyi Melayu. Bila nak kahwin perempuan Melayu?"

"Tapi Makcik, tak nampak perempuan cantik pun. Susah nak cari"
"Ada la, sayang. Banyak kat luar sana. Kena buka mata besar-besar. Yang cantik-cantik tu banyak. Semua anak saya dah kahwin. Kalau belum, saya boleh kenal dengan kamu. Kalau nak, saya pun boleh cari"

Speechless ...